Book Review: Tweak

Last night I finished Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines by a young author named Nic Sheff. I had already read his father’s book, Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction, so I had a sense of this young man’s journey using meth and going into rehab – over and over again – ruining his life, losing everything, breaking the hearts of everyone around him. The rehabilitation periods were so promising, so full of hope and insight. I knew from his dad’s book the perspective of his family through these periods. I felt compassion for the father, for Nic and their family.

But there was so much more raw depth from Nic’s perspective in the Tweak book. When he’s on the street, living from one high to the next, thinking this was freedom, it felt familiar. In my teens and twenties there were times when I was just completely drifting – certainly not shooting up meth and heroin like Nic, but experiencing something similar in terms of chasing pleasure in such empty dead-ends: lame relationships, drugs, naive interests.

It’s easy to root for Nic, the boy. I found myself hoping he’d get his next score before he started feeling the pain of withdrawal. I hoped he didn’t run out of money. Nic, stop feeding your drug addict friends – you need money for yourself, I thought. I worried when he went into blackout periods and alienated friends and family. At one point he realizes he can steal his mom’s computer and I applauded his quick thinking. I sympathized with him when he gets busted. It’s the drugs! He has a disease.

The drug-induced times are painted so clearly, and the mystery of it all (why does he want to destroy his life?) and the passion he feels (his seemingly legitimate love of a troubled older woman) is chilling. There’s a sense of free fall… life completely out of control… that lands ker-plunk suddenly when he goes into rehab. Sanity and self-reflection and outside guidance take the driver’s seat. He recognizes that his inner voice doesn’t help him, that seeking the support of sober people and the support of a higher power are the keys to sobriety, happiness, connection to his family and friends.

I loved this book even though it set me off into funk-ettes. It took me away from politics, away from my kids, away from my community… into a world that varies manically between the illusion of power and then hopelessness and predictable self-destruction and, finally, hope.